Modern Stoic Habits for a Simpler, Calmer Life

Do you ever feel like your time is not your own? That whatever good intentions you have to be productive, finally do the thing, your family seems to gain a sixth sense and suddenly need help with something, which results in total derailment?

Or if it’s not your family, it’s your cat that decides that now is the moment to upchuck the contents of their stomach all over your keyboard. Day ruined, no work done, again.

Sound familiar? For years, I’d write off the entire day as ruined the moment one thing went wrong. But then I discovered something that changed everything.

When I first came across something the Stoic philosopher Epictetus said over two thousand years ago, it was like a lightbulb moment: most of our suffering comes from trying to control things we can’t. How could I have overlooked something so radically simple?

When I actually thought about this, it made me realise how often I fight reality. I'm always trying to make people, plans, and pets behave on my schedule. That need for control seeps into everything I do... like the times I plan a trip down to the last detail (hello, Autism!) only to hit traffic and be completely derailed, or when the weather decides to pour just as I’m heading out to take bird photos (Canon, if you're listening, please make waterproof cameras more affordable!). It still irritates me, but these days I try to laugh, adjust, and make the best of what I can. It’s not perfect, but it’s progress.

Habit 1: Focus on What You Can Control

Epictetus called this the Dichotomy of Control. The concept is elegantly simple: all things are divided into what’s within our control and what isn’t. Getting stuck in traffic? Not in my control. The cat puking on my computer keyboard (true story!)? Not in my control. How I react when my plans go tits up? Totally within my control.

These days I do my best to see everyday hiccups for what they are: life being a bit of a dick! Instead of morphing into a sulky teenager, I try to make light of the situation. I’ll chat with my family in the car, I’ll take in my surroundings (I wouldn’t have time to do this if the car was moving at a normal speed!) or I’ll lighten the mood with some silly car selfies (obviously not if I'm the one in the driver’s seat!).

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t totally mastered inner peace... I occasionally have a proper whine when things go awry... but I'm much better at keeping my cool nowadays. The difference is that I no longer let these things ruin my entire day. I can’t control what happens, but I control how long I let it spoil my mood. There’s a fine line between fury and acceptance, and channelling your inner Stoic helps you find it.

Habit 2: Amor Fati – Accept What Happens (Even When It’s Ridiculous)

Okay, so we’ve established that we can’t control the interruptions, but we can control how we react to them. But what if I told you the Stoics took it one step further - they actually embraced the things they couldn’t control? Don’t get me wrong, they’re not saying you should love it when things go tits up; they're encouraging you to weave it into your story, to accept what happens as part of your path rather than an obstacle to it. It's about working with what life gives you, not against it. This idea is known as Amor Fati, literally translated as “love of fate.”

This happened to me a few weeks ago, when I’d planned an afternoon of bird photography with my family. We headed to one of our favourite bird-spotting sites, only for it to start pissing it down the moment we arrived. Cue collective groans: ‘Of course it’s raining now!’

Long story short, I ended up precariously balancing my camera under one arm and an umbrella under the other, wrapping the camera in a plastic bag between shots while wrestling the stupid umbrella which was determined to turn inside-out. This was not the relaxing bird-spotting venture I’d imagined.

But amid the moans of frustration (not just from me, I might add), we ended up laughing. Between picking fights with umbrellas and getting splashed with mud, we realised this was actually the part we'd remember most. Without the rain, it would have been a perfectly nice day; with the rain, it became one of those hilarious, memorable ones. I couldn’t control the weather, but I could decide not to let it ruin the moment - that’s Amor Fati in action, working hand-in-hand with the Dichotomy of Control.

Habit 3: Premeditatio Malorum – Expect the Chaos

In true Stoic fashion, it wasn’t enough for them to merely accept the chaos after it happened - they also prepared for it beforehand. Enter Premeditatio Malorum - the delightful practice of imagining all the ways life can go pear-shaped, so it’s no surprise when it actually does. Sounds cheery, doesn’t it? But it’s not about being gloomy; it’s about staying calm when the inevitable happens.

When I sit down to write, I know distraction is coming: it’s not if, it’s when. My ADHD brain will eventually decide that now’s the perfect time to reorganise the bookshelf or look up obscure Greek philosophers. So instead of pretending I’ll stay laser-focused, I plan for it. I keep my phone in another room and have a notebook and an educational magazine beside me, so when the inevitable drift happens, I can redirect it somewhere useful rather than vanishing into a social media black hole.

This is Premeditatio Malorum in practice: expect something to go wrong, but be prepared for when it does so it doesn't derail you.

Habit 4: Stoic Reflection – A Daily Debrief for Your Sanity

Knowing about these practices is all well and good, but we need a bit of help staying consistent with them and actually using them day-to-day. This is where another great Stoic practice comes in: journalling. No, not the 'dear diary' kind, but reflective, sometimes analytical, and far from perfect. The greats all did it - Epictetus, Seneca, Marcus Aurelius - all spent time each day building self-awareness by reflecting on their day.

In modern practice, you don't need to write something deep and meaningful. Just spending five or ten minutes (or more if you feel like it) in the evening reflecting on your day can work wonders. You might ask yourself:

• What happened today that was outside my control?
• How did I react? Could I have responded differently?
• What might go wrong tomorrow? How can I prepare?

These moments of reflection help us notice patterns we might otherwise miss. When it's written down in front of us, it can be a real lightbulb moment - helping us make small tweaks so that, over time, we're less bothered by the shit we can't change and more accepting that it's all part of our messy, beautiful story - cat puke and all.

Final Thoughts

Let's face it, life is messy, unpredictable, and very often ridiculous - but these Stoic practices change how we react to that chaos. Rather than fighting it and stressing ourselves out, we can greet it with calmness, humility, and - hopefully - a bit of humour.

This doesn't stop chaotic things from happening to us, but it gives us the toolkit to stop them having so much power over us - and maybe even have a laugh in the process.

At the end of the day, that's the real goal: not to live a perfect life, but to live one where we can handle the stress, find the humour, and step in cat puke without it ruining our day.