You Want to Spend Less Time on Your Phone - So WHY Do You Keep Picking It Up?

I've spent too much of today checking my email

Today I had a shitty, but necessary email to send. It's time sensitive and an urgent response is required (whether I get one is another matter!). The niggling part of my brain keeps telling me to obsessively check my email.

I keep picking up my phone, dragging down my email to refresh, not seeing anything, getting frustrated and then distracted by something else on my phone... and then the cycle repeats.

Weirdly, every time I check, I'm both hoping the email will be there and relieved when it isn't. I want some sort of resolution, but I don't particularly want another thing to deal with either. Then I'm frustrated that they haven't replied and frustrated with myself for obsessively checking in the first place.

It's eating away at my time and my thoughts and I don't like it.

It needs to stop.

Why am I actually doing this?

Every time I pull down to refresh, I'm mostly hoping they've emailed me back so I can come to some sort of resolution to the issue and finally put it to bed.

The problem isn't even really the amount of time it takes me to check my email. It takes seconds. It's the fact that part of my brain is constantly waiting for that email to arrive. Even when I'm trying to get on with something else, I'm thinking about whether they've replied yet. I'm basically keeping myself on call for an email, even though when it eventually arrives, I probably don't need to do anything about it immediately anyway.

And this issue isn't exclusive to email.

For example, it also happens when I pick up my phone to check that one specific thing on Facebook that's in the local news (for example, motorway closures). I either find the news I want, then get sidetracked, or I don't find the news I want, then get sidetracked. Or I forget what I even went there for and — you guessed it — I get sidetracked.

The sidetracking usually involves looking at some sort of wildlife or cute animals (I use the browser version of Facebook to avoid being bombarded with shorts and ads), so I feel somewhat satisfied, but then I kick myself for not doing the thing I went there for, or for not putting my phone down once I'd achieved the goal I went there for.

I'm starting to think the bigger cost isn't necessarily the amount of time I'm spending on my phone. It's what it's doing to my attention and that's especially important for those of us who have ADHD!

I don't actually want to use technology less

You see, I've already drastically cut down the amount of time I spend on my phone, and I don't want to undo that progress. But I also like technology.

I casually keep up with some tech news, new trends, the latest tech gear and so on. So it's not like I want to completely cut tech or screens out of my life.

Having grown up in the dinosaur era before the internet, I've grown rather grateful for the conveniences modern technology provides. I rely on my Alexa reminders, I love having every album I've ever owned at my fingertips, I love watching and supporting people from different walks of life on YouTube, I love digital photography, podcasts and games.

For me — and I'm guessing for a lot of people — not all screen time is equivalent.

For example, I watch YouTube with intention. There is a selection of YouTubers who I've followed for years, whose content is genuinely high quality, who I get value from and who I deliberately seek out and enjoy. I consider this to be time well spent because it makes me feel good.

Facebook, on the other hand, is an example of tech use that does exactly the opposite — it drains the fuck out of me, makes me feel like I'm wasting time and I generally don't get anything good out of it (except seeing cute animals, which I can honestly do elsewhere). In short, it stresses me out.

Then there's the absurd contradiction I face — I love video games, always have — but if I feel like I haven't had a particularly productive day (i.e. pissed some of it away pointlessly scrolling), I won't allow myself to relax with a game. I see gaming as a reward and I won't reward myself if I feel like I haven't earned it. Weird, I know.

So I'll deny myself something I genuinely enjoy because I've already wasted the time I could have spent doing it on something I didn't particularly enjoy at all.

One thing I've noticed since cutting down my phone use is that I've got better at just... being bored. I can sit for a couple of minutes waiting for someone, without immediately needing to fill the gap. I can wash the dishes without needing some form of entertainment playing in the background. Tiny empty spaces don't feel quite so uncomfortable anymore.

Maybe not every spare minute needs filling at all.

So I don't think technology itself is really my problem, or even necessarily the amount of time I spend looking at a screen. It's all those times I pick up my phone without really deciding to.

Ultimately, my goal isn't to cut down on my tech use, it's to be more intentional with my phone.

What is my phone offering me?

I decided to really scrutinise why I use my phone — what is my phone offering me?

I might be looking for certainty or a resolution to something. I might intend to send someone a message. I might be looking for inspiration for something creative. I might be trying to fill a spare gap of time. I might be procrastinating before starting another task. Or I might be curious about finding an answer to something.

The thing all of these have in common is that my phone gives me an immediate way to deal with them. If I'm curious about something, I can find the answer now. If I'm uncertain about something, I can check now. If I want to talk to somebody, I can message them now. If I have two spare minutes, I can fill them now.

If I don't quite feel ready to start the next task, I can put it off by picking up my phone.

We usually all have a reason why we tell ourselves we need to use our phones right away, but I'm wondering how often those reasons are just excuses and we don't actually need the phone as urgently as we tell ourselves we do.

I think part of the problem is that we're just so used to being able to get what we want immediately. I think phones are messing with our impulse control too. There's barely any gap between wanting to know something and looking it up, or wondering if something's happened and getting an answer.

So I'm going to experiment

So, I've decided to test myself. For a week I'm continuing to use my phone as I have been, but I'm going to monitor why I'm using it the way I am.

That is excluding actual intentional tech use — such as taking photos, listening to a podcast or watching long-form content. I'm talking about the unplanned reach.

When I catch myself scrolling or checking something without really deciding to, I'm asking myself:

What was I doing?

What was I looking for?

What did I actually do?

I'm making a note in my pocket notebook and moving on. I'm not trying to stop myself, I'm just monitoring myself. I'm hoping I'll find out what exactly is going on in my brain when I'm using my phone without an important intention.

With one small caveat: I HAVE to stop obsessively checking my email because it's stressing me the fuck out! I'm making an exception for that one.

What might I do with what I learn?

What I find will probably determine what I actually do about it. There's no point trying to solve a problem before I know what the problem actually is.

I already have some ideas about what I could change, but I don't want to decide on the solutions before I've spent a week paying attention to what I'm actually doing.

Maybe I'll discover I'm constantly reaching for my phone because I'm curious about something. Maybe it's happening most often when I'm between tasks. Maybe uncertainty is the biggest problem. Or maybe I'll discover something I haven't thought of at all. I don't know yet.

So, before I work out how to stop picking up my phone so much, I'm going to find out why I keep picking it up.

Want to try it with me?

For the next week, when you catch yourself reaching for your phone without thinking, ask yourself:

What was I doing? What was I looking for? What did I actually do?

Make a quick note when you catch yourself doing it. Don't try to change anything yet — I'm certainly not going to. I just want to see what I find.