One Day, Later Becomes Now

When I was 22, I thought I had bags of time.

I had a young son, and obviously most of my attention was focused on being his mum. I wasn't thinking particularly hard about long-term goals, or where my life was actually going. Those were things I could figure out later. For now I just needed to make sure I kept my tiny little human alive, happy and healthy.

As well as doing this, I played a lot of PC games. It's ironic that I spent a lot of my time thinking more about my Sims' long-term goals than my own!

I don't regret my twenties, and I don't want to paint a picture of myself as a terrible mother who ignored her child in favour of her PC. I didn't — I spent plenty of quality time with my little dude. But looking back, I can see that I spent far too much of my spare time on my computer.

It was a coping mechanism.

Life was a bit rough for me at that time. I had some shitty family relationships, I'd lost my father in my teens (which I was still struggling with) and I felt like I wasn't adulting properly. Video games gave me somewhere to disappear to when real life felt difficult.

I know hindsight is a cruel beast, but what I wish I'd understood was that there were other ways I could have dealt with my problems.

I wish I'd learned more and discovered philosophy — my father was a philosopher, but unfortunately I didn't see the appeal of it myself until many years later.

I wish I'd spent more time trying to understand myself and the people around me instead of escaping from them. I wish I'd worried less about what other people thought of me.

And I really wish I'd understood that my body was something I needed to look after right now, rather than later. You see, eating shit was another one of my coping mechanisms.

The things we leave for "later"

When you're young, it's ridiculously easy to believe that you have time. I can work on my fitness later... I can work on my career goals later... I'll start that diet later... But then later becomes now and you realise you've done fuck all to improve your life.

Now in my forties, I've come to the shitty realisation that a lot of the changes I'm making now to improve myself would have been much easier to do when I was in my twenties. If I'd started doing Pilates twenty years ago, I'd be so fucking buff by now!

That being said, this doesn't mean you shouldn't even bother trying when you're older. As they say, the best time to start doing the thing was twenty years ago, but the second best time to start the thing is now. There's still time to have a hot bod, it just might have a bit more flab than if you'd started earlier.

If I could sit down with 22-year-old me, first of all I'd slap her and take away her Sims 2 discs, then I'd gently, but firmly, tell her that it's far easier to get your body into shape now than it is to wait another 20 years. Your body is kinda important... like, "without it you don't exist" important, so start bloody looking after it!

I'd help her see the benefits of exercising and eating more healthily now and probably lecture her on how her physical health has a massive impact on her mental health.

I'd also tell her not to try to change everything overnight.

She could start with putting down that third chocolate digestive and getting her fat arse out on a walk with her son. Start with a ten-minute walk to the park and back every day, then build it up from there, bit by bit. Make one teensy change and let it become the norm before adding another.

Small changes have a much better chance of sticking with you than declaring that all of a sudden you're going to become an entirely different person.

Although, in true Naomi fashion, I didn't follow my own advice. I'd tried starting Pilates and yoga in small increments, ten minutes here and there, many times over the last twenty years, but it never stuck. Then one day I gave myself a giant fucking telling off...

YOU ARE DOING THIS NOW AND YOU ARE DOING IT EVERY DAY.

I honestly didn't think this would work, but here I am over two years later, still doing it every day. Which rather proves that there isn't one correct way to do this. Starting small might work for you, but doing "the thing" every day might work better. You have to learn what makes you keep going.

The important thing is that you don't keep putting it off until an infinite amount of tomorrows.

My life looks quite different now

Nowadays I get up at 6am before the rest of the household. I force my arse in the shower immediately, then make myself a gorgeous cup of pour-over coffee and drink it while I spend an hour curled up with a good book. I walk for at least two miles every day and do at least 30 minutes of Pilates every day. I journal as and when I can, to help me unpack what's happening inside my little noggin.

I have an insatiable penchant for learning, which I love to do just for the sake of it, so now I take the time to actually write the cool shit I've learned down, which helps me commit it to my long-term memory. I definitely enjoy doing this more than my old days of scrolling through endless reams of bollocks on Facebook.

I do still play video games (I've moved on from The Sims though) and go online, but I do those things far less than I used to. Everything in moderation, as they say.

I've honed in on some healthy foods I like and decided to eat the same things every week to reduce my decision fatigue — it also has the added benefit of cutting down on food waste.

I've also cut drastically back on what I spend my money on, cut out the Funkos, cut way back on the Lego (I still treat myself every once in a while because... well, why not?!) and stopped buying endless amounts of just general shite. My savings account has never looked so healthy!

Most importantly, I'm still spending quality time with my family. We all need to bear in mind that living in the same house as somebody isn't the same thing as actually spending time with them.

I've not been magically transformed into some perfectly organised, disciplined goddess who has all of her ducks in a row. Sometimes my ducks are scattered all over the yard and I spend days rounding them up. BUT my everyday life feels better.

I'm looking after myself more. I'm doing more for my family. My mental health is tickety boo.

I'm still leaving things for "later"

As well as the things I've changed, there are also things I still avoid.

I've been telling myself for years that I want to make YouTube videos. I love writing, drawing and photography too, and somehow I manage to put those things off despite genuinely enjoying them. It always feels like there's something easier I could do instead. Such as read a book, do some housework, declutter something or just do some other apparently useful task and tell myself I'll make the thing tomorrow.

So, I'm now circling back to the advice I would give 22-year-old me, because I don't want another twenty years to go by with another big pile of regrets.

If I flash forward another twenty years, I'd like 65-year-old me to be proud of herself for pushing herself to do "the things", not to berate herself for filling her time with more pointless busywork.

Sixty-five-year-old me can be proud of her "buff for her age" body, proud of the fact she's making YouTube videos even if she isn't reaching a whole bunch of people, proud of looking after herself and flexing her creative muscles, rather than pissing away time online. Oh, and I've no doubt she'll still be playing video games and being a bad influence on her grandkids!

So, why YouTube? I've realised that the best way to remember something is to teach it yourself (it's part of the reason I remember a bunch of pointless facts, because I ended up boring my family with them!). So, a large part of my reasons for making these videos is selfish, BUT I also want to help people who are struggling with some of the same things I've struggled with, and I want my children to discover some of these things earlier than I did.

If you're 22, start now

If you're still a spring chicken and you're reading this, I'm not going to tell you to quit gaming, throw away your belongings, go to the gym seven days a week and spend every spare moment improving yourself.

You're 22, have some fun (but not too much, okay?)

You deserve to enjoy your youth, enjoy the games, enjoy a good lie-in after a late night out... BUT pay attention to how often you're doing these things, because you don't want them to become the norm. Repeated actions slowly become your life, so make the things you repeat the most count towards looking after yourself.

There will be things you can do now which will be small, but end up having a massive effect on you if you keep doing them over the years. Be curious, look after that body, spend time with loved ones, go places, do "the thing" and most importantly, try to figure out what makes you tick.

Oh, and for fuck's sake, please stop worrying about what other people think of you.

You're not aiming to change yourself overnight. Just ask yourself if there's something you've been putting off doing for a while and start doing it. Then, when that starts feeling like a normal part of your life, see what else you fancy changing.

You don't need to transform your entire life tomorrow, but stop assuming "future you" will eventually sort it out. You've got shitloads of time, which is exactly why you should start using it. Don't waste any more of it with pointless crap.

I wish somebody had explained that to me when I was 22, but hey ho, shit happens, so I'm starting now.

65-year-old me will hopefully thank me for it.