I Put Down My Phone and Got My Brain Back
Do you find yourself reaching for your phone when your partner has to go to the loo during dinner? Do you find yourself pulling out your phone when you're in a queue? Do you ever stop to ask yourself why?!
I used to not be able to get through a single hour without checking social media, the news, weather, my email... you name it — because I had an overwhelming urge to keep checking, always checking. But it drove me MAD! I knew it was a problem, but I just. couldn't. help it. It felt like a true addiction. It was making me feel ill.
I tried for years to stop, until, finally, I succeeded. I worked out how much of my remaining life I would spend on my phone if I continued in this way. Let's just say, it made me feel sick. I put a hard stop to it all, then and there.
I deleted all social media, streaming apps (except Spotify because I still need my tunes!) and any other unnecessary apps off my phone. I set up strict boundaries for myself — if I need to check Facebook (I have one social group that only announces things there), I do it on my laptop. I only allow myself the time I need to check the thing (doing it standing up, or somewhere uncomfy usually does the trick).
I only check email once a day, I silenced/hid all calls and texts that are not from family and only check those once a day. I even turned off that annoying little red bubble that bugs you every time you miss a notification, ha!
Now, I have ADHD, so I won't lie, this has been rough. I've slipped a few times, found myself checking Facebook for five minutes before catching myself and then making myself feel bad. Scrolled on Vinted a bit too long — that sort of thing. BUT on the positive side, since I've been using my phone less these days, it's been easier to catch and stop myself, before I've ended up losing an hour to that cheeky little screen.
Something wonderful has happened, which I'd heard MIGHT occur, but I didn't properly believe it. I've regained the ability to be comfortable inside my own head. I no longer feel like I have to numb my brain with my phone in order to distract myself from spiralling into negative thoughts. I can actually just SIT while doing nothing with my hands! I've started writing more, doing more puzzles, reading philosophy magazines and generally been spending more quality time with myself. I can feel the shift in my brain and it keeps improving as time goes on.
Of course, there are downsides too. I'm more aware than ever of how many people have this crippling need to reach for their shiny little pocket computers. I see it everywhere. Even in my own family, which is alarming (now I'm on the other side of it). I know I was just like them a few months ago and I'm hoping my own example will eventually wear off on them. I certainly don't want my teenage kids to get to my age before they realise they can have true agency over their attention.
In case you're interested and would like to make some changes in this area yourself, here are five actionable tips you could try:
Have a designated "phone spot" where you allow yourself to use your phone. Mine is in the kitchen, where I go to check/send messages and check IMDb (after the movie has ended, not during!)
Set yourself a time for checking emails and voicemails. I check mine at 4pm daily and allow up to 30 minutes for checking and replying, which is usually more than enough.
Remove any "sticky" apps from your phone, social media, email, shopping — so that when you go out and about, your surroundings and the people you're with are in full command of your attention.
Use an analogue clock for an alarm and charge your phone away from your bed, preferably in another room.
Designate at least one hour of phone-free time in the morning. Sit and enjoy your morning coffee (or whatever your preference!), read a book, chat to your family. Whatever is lurking inside your phone will still be there when you allow yourself to check it.
We know that these devices and apps are deliberately designed to be as addictive as they can possibly be. Your attention is their currency. However, your attention is yours to spend how you wish — and you CAN get it back.
