The Joy of Missing Out: Why I'll Take My PJs Over Your Party Any Day
You know what's underrated? Not having to spend time with people when you really, really don't want to.
I used to think coming off social media would make me miss out — all those updates, invites, and everyone else's daily dramas. Turns out? I don't miss it at all. In fact, the relief is almost suspicious. Like… should I be worried that I don't care what my old schoolmates had for lunch?
For me, JOMO isn't just about skipping parties. It's realising I don't have to spend money, time, or energy on people who only pop up when they want something. It's not wasting my Saturday night on awkward small talk with strangers I'll never see again. It's using that time for the stuff I actually enjoy—reading, drawing, binge-watching shows, fast internet, studying (yes, I'm a geek!) and the luxury of never wearing shoes.
Why This Matters
We've all said yes to things we didn't want to do—and not the good kind of "push yourself" yes. I'm talking about the "sure, I'll help you… even though you only contact me when you want something" kind of yes. You know the type: selfish people who see you as a resource, not a human being.
Saying yes out of politeness feels fine for about ten minutes. Then comes the deflation—the little voice that says "I should have said no". You're drained, worn out, and wondering why you spent your precious time on something that didn't matter to you.
People push themselves to go to events, keep up on social media, or maintain old "friendships" they've long outgrown because they think they'll miss something vital. Spoiler alert: you won't. In reality, you'll miss nothing but an evening of awkward small talk, forced smiles, and exhaustion.
I've done it too—meeting up with people I knew were what I call emotional vampires, thinking maybe this time it would be different. It wasn't. I'd come home frazzled, stressed, and unloading a rant onto my husband. Cutting those people out left me with fewer friends, but the ones I have now leave me feeling relaxed, uplifted, and energised—not like I've just been emotionally mugged.
The cost of constant yes-saying? Mental health erosion, heightened anxiety, and no time left for yourself. Research from the University of Reading found that solitude has both benefits and costs for well-being, but the key is choosing it intentionally. And downtime isn't a luxury—it's a biological necessity. Studies show our brains need regular rest to consolidate memories, manage stress, and regulate emotions. Without it, we end up frazzled, short-tempered, and far more likely to burn out.
Then there's the financial cost—spending £50 on a night out you didn't even want, when you could have put it towards something that actually brings you joy.
Mindset Shift
The Joy of Missing Out isn't about being antisocial, awkward, or hiding from life. It's about choosing not to do the things that quietly chip away at your happiness.
On paper, saying no can feel selfish—like you're letting people down. But in reality? Not doing the thing you felt pressured into is often a massive relief. The guilt you imagined never really materialises. Instead, you get quality time with yourself and the people who actually matter. You miss out on nothing but the stress, expense, and energy drain you'd have picked up by going.
This isn't the Instagram version of JOMO—all bubble baths and "look at my cosy night in" posts for likes. Mine's not a flex. It's a lifestyle. It's about peace, joy, and having the guts to set boundaries without feeling like you have to make a public announcement.
Recent research in Scientific Reports shows that there was no evidence for a one-size-fits-all 'optimal balance' between solitude and social time—what matters is finding your own rhythm. The benefits are huge. I'm more relaxed, I get to spend time on hobbies and my home, and I save money instead of frittering it away on cafés, takeaways, or overpriced coffees that don't even taste as good as the ones I make at home. The physical perks are real too—more time to exercise, more energy to do things I actually want to do.
If FOMO is about fear, JOMO is about joy—joy in protecting your mental health, your relationships, your bank account, and your time. It's like Bilbo Baggins' warning about being "butter scraped over too much bread"—except now I've decided to stop spreading myself so thin.
For me, JOMO feels like a warm hug instead of a punch in the face. And I'll take that any day.
Why We Struggle With This
The biggest reason people feel guilty saying no? They don't like the idea of letting someone down. But here's the thing—say no, and they'll simply move on to someone else who might say yes. Harsh, but true. It can be sobering to realise we don't mean as much to certain people as we thought, and that their "friendship" was only as deep as our usefulness to them.
A lot of this comes from old conditioning. We're taught as kids that helping others is always the right thing to do, and that saying no is selfish—especially if we don't have a "valid" excuse. But just because you've got a free evening in your diary doesn't mean it's fair game for anyone who asks. Self-care isn't just valid—it's essential. In fact, it's the most valuable use of time, but society still treats it like a guilty pleasure.
Social media doesn't help. We see the carefully curated "perfect" lives of others and feel like we should be part of it. But in reality, those lives are just as messy as ours—we're all only posting the best angles. The real magic happens when you step back and realise scrolling isn't adding any value. It's just making you irritable.
A 2022 study published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking found that participants who took a week-long break from TikTok, Instagram, Twitter and Facebook showed positive effects for well-being, depression and anxiety. And once you cut the feed, you find you actually do have time to send a proper message to someone you care about—because you're no longer wasting hours keeping up with people you barely know.
Yes, I've felt that flicker of worry about being judged for saying no. It wasn't comfortable. But I got over it. If someone I don't care about wants to think I'm boring, let them. My true friends know that if I skip something, it's not because I'm dull—it's because I need that time for myself. And they're fine with it, because they know me.
Learning to let go of other people's opinions is one of the most freeing things you can do. It's like finally exhaling a breath you've been holding for years—you instantly feel lighter.
The Joy of Missing Out: In Real Life
These days, I'll happily skip social situations without a flicker of guilt. Sure, I might still say I've got an "appointment" rather than admitting I just don't want to go—but I don't lose sleep over the white lie. It's not about being dishonest; it's about protecting my peace.
I also don't respond to messages from people who only pop up when they want something. Eventually, they stop trying, and I no longer have to deal with them at all. Funny thing is, the more you say no, the less often you're put in those awkward situations.
Instead of doing things I don't enjoy, I've filled my time with what actually makes me happy: reading, journalling, working on hobbies, and spending time with my family. Evenings and weekends are chilled—PJs on, outside world shut out (unless I'm out in nature, which I often am), safe in my "cave" for the night. A candle burning, phone out of reach, and zero pressure to engage with anyone unless I want to.
I've built small JOMO rituals that help keep me grounded:
No phone first thing—it stays in the bedroom. If the weather's nice, I read outside for an hour with my husband instead.
Designated phone spot—leaving it in one place stops me from mindlessly picking it up.
Notifications off—except for close friends and family. Unknown calls are silenced.
Messaging with intention—I talk to my actual friends, not a hundred acquaintances.
And you know what? My relationships are richer for it. I'm investing time in people I truly care about, not spreading myself so thin that I'm half-present for everyone.
Every so often, I hear friends or family complaining about being overbooked, exhausted, unable to keep up with their health or hobbies. They're stressed, anxious, frazzled—and I feel a quiet sense of relief (and, yes, a tiny bit of vindication) that I've stepped away from that hamster wheel.
Science backs this up too. A 2023 study published in the Journal of Medical Internet Research found that social media use interventions (eg, abstinence from social media) have been developed and evaluated to improve users' mental well-being, with positive results. And research shows that a short break from social media—or limiting use to 15-30 minutes per day—leads to meaningful benefits in mental health.
JOMO isn't about avoiding life—it's about living it on your own terms. And that feels a lot better than burning out just to keep up appearances.
Practical Steps for Embracing JOMO
1. Learn to say no without drama
For people you're not close to? A simple "I can't make it, but thanks for thinking of me" works without elaborate explanations.
For friends you care about, try: "Thanks so much for the offer, I really appreciate it, but it's not something I want to do right now. If something similar comes up in the future, please do ask me again—I might feel differently then."
2. Let go of the guilt Your reasons are valid. There will always be other opportunities. Saying no now doesn't mean never.
3. Do a quick event audit Ask yourself: Does this benefit me, or does it drain me? Am I going out of habit, obligation, or fear? If it's a no—bow out gracefully.
4. Declutter your digital world Limit your feed to people you genuinely care about. Set limits so you control social media—it doesn't control you.
5. Adopt a boundary mindset If you're always the one chasing people, they're not as invested as you are. Boundaries aren't walls, they're gates—you choose what comes through.
Three starter rules for living JOMO:
If it drains you more than it fills you, it's a no.
Downtime is a valid appointment.
Friends who matter will respect your boundaries.
Wrap-Up / Takeaway
The joy of missing out is the freedom to protect your time, energy, and sanity—and the confidence to know you're not missing anything that matters.
You don't need to overhaul your life to escape the frazzled, overcommitted cycle. All it takes is a small shift: the courage to say no when something drains you more than it delights you.
So here's my challenge: Look at your calendar this week. Which commitments are you doing out of habit, guilt, or fear? Which are for people who wouldn't notice if you stopped? Write them down. Then ask yourself, What's the worst that would happen if I said no?
Because a fear of missing out is a poor excuse. What are we really afraid of missing? Bad coffee, awkward small talk, another night you'll forget about by next week? I'll take my PJs, a good book, and a quiet night in, thanks.
