Digital Overwhelm and How To Fix It
The Slab That Runs the Show
Do you ever feel like your phone is in control of you, rather than the other way around? Are you unable to resist opening that magical slab of tech as soon as your eyes open in the morning? Do you actually feel like you NEED it in order to wake yourself up?
When you say that out loud, doesn’t it sound a bit… well, ridiculous? You can’t get out of bed without scrolling YouTube… really?! What would you say if I told you that this doesn’t have to be the case—that you can get up in the morning without being instantly tethered to your mobile phone? That—shockingly—before phones existed, people still managed to get out of bed, somehow?!
I’m not talking about quitting tech entirely, but just having a healthier relationship with it.
Confessions of a Digital Addict
I won’t lie, I was absolutely fucking addicted to my phone. The internet. Tech. Gaming. You name it—if it had a shiny screen full of pixels, I needed to be using it, all the time. I couldn’t sit still for thirty seconds without opening my phone.
Had to pause our movie because the hubby nipped to the toilet? → Check Facebook. Someone might have answered our latest shitpost on the Assassin’s Creed page! In a boring queue at the Post Office (remember when those existed, how quaint!)? → I can’t possibly stand here doing nothing, I wonder if my recent Insta photo of my Wetherspoons lunch got any more likes?! → None… how about if I hit “refresh”?! What.the.actual FUCK am I doing?! Oh right, I’m next in queue and completely didn’t notice, oops!
The Evening Escalation
I’d be watching a movie and just couldn’t last the whole thing through without picking up my phone, not just because I have ADHD but because my brain just craved the phone, then the movie would end and I’d have no clue what happened for the most part! The later evening rolls around and I decide to kill the last couple of hours before bed playing Red Dead Redemption 2… Arthur needs his hair cutting, he’s got some banks to rob and those bandits aren’t gonna kill themselves! Four hours go by and oops, I was supposed to be in bed two hours ago, because I have to get up in five hours’ time!
Burnt Out and Pissed Off
I was exhausted, I was cranky, I was constantly beating myself up and berating myself for feeling like I needed to be on my phone, yet I couldn’t stop. Something had to give, I couldn’t go on this way! I’d gone through social media blackouts before, they never stuck, I’d spend a few weeks off of them and then go right back to the way I was. This time it had to be different.
Hurdle One: Don’t Start Your Day Like a Zombie
First things first, I stopped using my phone as an alarm. Granted, I use Alexa as my alarm, which is another piece of tech, but I also can’t pick her up and scroll Facebook with her while I’m trying to gather the will to get out of bed. I’d put my phone out of arm’s reach and I refuse to use a snooze button, always have (I’m a freak that way), so I had no choice but to tell Alexa to shut off the fucking awful elevator jazz music she was playing at me and get up (top tip, set your alarm to something super annoying!). Hurdle one: “don’t scroll on your phone for half an hour before getting up”, accomplished.
Still Failing Forward (With Memes)
The next step was my morning routine. After waking up and doing all the scrolling, I’d get up, blearily make several cups of coffee while shitposting on Twitter (sorry-not-sorry, I refuse to call it X!), the interactions are fun, I’ve got friends here, they love my memes! Damn, that one Red Dwarf meme went viral and got commented on by none-other than Danny John Jules (true story!)… but try not to let this Twitter fame go to your head, it’s time to get ready for the day! Right after I’ve checked that I’m still high bidder on that signed photo of Steve Guttenberg from Three Men and a Baby (pathetically, another true story – I still have that photo on my wall!). Shit, WHAT am I doing? I’ve overcome one hurdle, yet I’ve just failed at starting my day without my phone!
The First Drastic Change
Drastic changes had to be made. I started leaving my phone on its charger upstairs when I got up in the morning. (Nope, not in my pocket. Not on the kitchen counter. Upstairs. Far away. Out of reach.) I deleted Twitter from my phone (goodbye, steady stream of new followers and viral posts!), set a time limit for Facebook (it was the only other social media app I used) and deleted all streaming apps from my phone. I stuck to using YouTube on my iPad or TV, put a screen time widget on my iPhone Home Screen (seeing how much time you’re spending on your phone staring at you in the face is just downright scary!), put my phone out of reach during movie time, family time and turned off all notifications except for those from immediate family. I check my email twice a day, because no email is that urgent it needs an immediate response (if it did, they’d just ring me, right?!).
Building new habits
I made a rule for myself that I would come off video games by 10pm and only allow myself to go on them after I’d written in my journal after doing my evening tasks. Speaking of which, I started preparing ahead for the following day. I started making my partner’s lunch for the following day, started making myself overnight oats so I didn’t have to think about lunch the following day myself, started taking vitamins and other supplements… basically batched all of this together in the kitchen so I’d get into a proper “flow” to get it all done smoothly, in one go.
Why This Time Worked
So, why do I think this all worked, where previously I’d failed? For starters, the guilt I felt when I broke one of my new self-imposed rules made me feel dreadful, so the next time I was tempted, I remember the feeling of guilt. Picturing future me being utterly pissed off at past me for being so weak? Well that was a real motivator! After a few days, what really surprised me was the presence of clarity I gained, how much more I paid attention to… well, everything! I was able to follow the plot of a movie all the way through (okay ADHD still exists and sometimes a bird would fly past my window and…. Wait, what was I saying again?! But generally, my attention span improved drastically! I was able to concentrate better on reading (it helped that I started getting up consistently early and enjoyed the peace and quiet before the rest of the household got up!), I had more spontaneous thoughts and ideas because I wasn’t filling my entire time scrolling and I was more intentional about the way I was using tech, so each piece of tech in my life served a clear role. My phone was for texts (and rarely, calls, because DON’T CALL ME!), my meditation app (which I recommend, but that’s another post) and email… and yes, Amazon (just less often). My TV was for watching shows and movies, my iPad was for YouTube and reading (though I usually read physical media, I do still enjoy the odd Kindle book). Then I had my PC for work, my gaming consoles for (you guessed it) gaming and an Alexa device in every room because have I mentioned I have ADHD? I forget.
The Ripple Effect
I also noticed a ripple effect – my family started being more intentional about their device use also, I didn’t nag them or try to talk them into it, I think they just saw the positive effect it had on me and wanted a piece of that! I’m not saying that they got as extreme as I did, but there was definitely a change, which was fucking awesome!
When It Still Goes Wrong
So, things I tried but failed miserably at?
I can’t pretend that it all went perfectly right away. I would nip for a quick poop in the middle of my morning reading session and just grab my phone because who wants to poop without YouTube?!
I’ll just watch it for as long as I need to poop for, where’s the harm?
Well, turns out the harm was sitting on the toilet twenty minutes past when I’d actually finished my business, because who can watch just ONE (ahem, ten) cat videos?!
The result? Massive fucking piles of shame and a numb arse, heavy sigh.
Wait, I need my phone when watching movies because what if I need to check IMDB to see where I know this actor from?
If I keep my phone on the table next to me, where’s the harm? Yeah, right, that worked.
Top tip: a notepad next to you works better, just jot down the name of the movie you’re watching and the character’s name and wait until the movie’s done to check IMDB.
Chances are you’ll have used your grey matter by the time the movie is done and remembered yourself, without the need to check!
Other Things That Didn’t Work
I have to be careful about using my iPad for reading, it has other apps on it besides Kindle, so the temptation to pop across to another app is strong.
Having ALL notifications turned off really helps here.
As does a little app called ‘Opal’, which blocks your most distracting apps (you can tell it which ones you have an issue with) during your specified times of the day—simple, yet powerful.
Other things that didn’t work included a ‘screen free Sunday’, because FUCK, I need my phone to take photos, plain and simple.
Why deny yourself something that’s just going to massively hinder you (my digital camera just isn’t as convenient, ya know?!).
Deleting Facebook, because I still use it for some local groups/events which just aren’t advertised anywhere else!
Yes I could stick to using it on my computer, but sometimes I’d need to check something when I wasn’t at home and then have to log into a fucking browser… yes, some might say that’s a positive, but it was just a ball ache for me, so I re-installed it.
Instead I unfriended pretty much everyone on there (I’m sorry ‘people I used to go to school with, probably bullied me and who just have me on Facebook to see how much of a loser I am compared to them now’, I just do.not.care about you, at all.)
I removed myself from most of the groups I was in (holy mother of god, how many groups had I joined over the years that were hacked into and changed to bitcoin scams? More than I care to count!) and turned off every single notification, as well as stopped posting (at all).
TL;DR – If You Skimmed, Read This Bit
If you wanted to skip all of the above and just get to the nitty gritty—what can you do to have a healthy relationship with tech, without going full “living in a cabin in the woods” hermit?
Here’s some actionable tips that should be sustainable, just don’t expect to re-invent the wheel without some hiccups!
That first week? Expect to feel twitchy, irritable, and a bit lost. That’s normal. Your brain’s used to dopamine on tap. But the fog will start to lift—give it time.
First things first, ask yourself a few things:
What are you hoping to gain from cutting back on the time you spend online? Time for a hobby? Better sleep? Quality family time?
Try to get an honest picture (before you start trying to cut back) of your usage. If you’ve got an iPhone (and there’s probably an Android equivalent), then check your daily/weekly screen time. It’ll tell you what apps that suck most of your time, as well as how long on each one you spend (this is depressing, but necessary).
Think about what makes you turn to your phone in the first place— Is it boredom? Anxiety (sometimes if I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts, I’d distract myself with funny cat videos)? Depression? Fear of missing out?
Practical Shifts to Try:
Turn off all non-essential notifications. I mean, ALL of them. Silence unknown callers too, because no-one needs to be interrupted by ‘Simon’ from India calling about that car accident you had.
Delete apps you don’t need or ones that make you feel guilty for using them.
Declutter your phone Home Screen. I deleted everything and just put back my preferred messaging app, meditation app and calendar widget. Having a clutter-free Home Screen just makes you feel so much better when you unlock your phone!
Add friction to the apps you’re keeping but you tend to get “stuck” on. Make it so you have to enter a password or use FaceID every time you want to use them. That extra bit of friction might give you pause enough to think about whether you need to be using that app at that moment.
Set up some apps that help limit your screen time. Opal is great to directly block apps during times of the day you don’t want to be distracted, Forest helps you block periods of time where you’re motivated to stay off, because for every so many hours you’re off your phone, it plants a real life tree (I’ve planted about ten in Africa so far!).
Be intentional about what times of the day you use (or don’t use) your phone. Leave it out of the room during times you’d rather be doing something else (like me leaving it out of the room during reading/watching movies). Allow yourself to go on those distracting apps only at set times of the day (I’m allowed on mine in the evenings only, which I don’t even do much because sometimes I’d now rather be studying or playing Assassin’s Creed because I’m a nerd).
Fill the time you’re not spending on devices with something more productive, or relaxing, or intentional (or all three). Try that new hobby you’ve always wanted to try, or pick up an old one you wish you’d had more time for. Set little mini goals for yourself if it helps—like “read one book a month” or “learn to play the theme from ‘The A-Team’ on piano by Christmas, so I can impress my family.”
Designate certain areas of your house as “tech free zones”, thus providing little pockets of calm throughout your house. For example, I no longer take my phone into the bathroom. Instead I treat myself to a passage of ‘The Daily Stoic’ while I have my daily poop.
To improve sleep, set yourself a time limit to come off your phone for the night, so you can spend an hour before bed winding down. I still watch TV before bed, but my phone is put away for the night.
Charge your phone away from your bed, thus removing the temptation to go on it when you struggle to fall or stay asleep.
You could always get yourself an accountability buddy, tell someone your intentions to live more screen-free, or suggest they do the same so you can support each other!
Check in with your tech usage every week or so, just to see if there’s anywhere you might be slipping up a bit, that way you stay on top of things before you spiral again.
Final Thoughts
I won’t lie, it’ll be hard, it’ll continue to be hard, but it will feel easier over time and you’ll not want to go back to the way things were.
Sure you might slip up, but once you’ve spent a certain amount of time realising what you’ve been missing out on, it’ll become easier to kick your arse back into gear when you’ve fallen off a bit.
You can be at peace with not being ‘perfect’ at this whole ‘cutting down on tech’ thing, it’s better than it was before…
I’m sleeping better, reading more books, journaling, spending more time on hobbies that actually make me feel good and I’m finding myself actually enjoying boredom, because boredom is not boring when your brain isn’t filled with internet mush!
Go on, I did the thing and so can you.
